i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
