The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize