How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
