This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
