Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You have to summon your inner elephant
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
