we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
