how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
