I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
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I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
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Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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