so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
