It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
