the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
