i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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