So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
