You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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