When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
