i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Houston, we have a blender
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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