3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
