Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
