I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
