I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
