i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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