Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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