WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
