He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
