I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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