We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
