He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I need moral support for this bender
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
