Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
