i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
