I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Randomize
