Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
