When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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