Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
