Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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