I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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