I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
