look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize