I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
