I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
