why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
