Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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