the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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