dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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