Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.