i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me