I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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