How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
