she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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