Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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