she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
