dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Randomize
