i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
