My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
