What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
