he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
