No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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