I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
