We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Your dad touched me again.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.