You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce