Don't you send me to vm
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
